One is too many.. and a thousand is never enough..

More and more and more..

There was never enough.. I always needed more and more..

I remember talking to this girl me and a couple of friends knew.. One of the friends was the kid who sold me the 4's in school..

At this point, he wouldn't sell them to me anymore.. We became too good of friends, and he didn't realize what these were doing to me until it was too late. I asked him manyyy times after this, and he would never do it.
He's blamed himself in the past for my addiction, but I'm sure he knows now it wasn't his fault at all. It was all me.. I made my own choices.. I was the one looking for them. If it wasn't for him, I would have just got them somewhere Else..

Anyway, back on track.. We talked to this girl all the time, and hung out with her..
We got her stealing smokes for us and it was all the same routine again.. We would walk into the store, and talk to her.. Tell her what we wanted.. then we'd leave..

She'd go out back, shut the cameras off, and then we'd come back in.. She would go into the backroom to take cartons for us.. and while she was doing that.. We'd be stuffing our coats with anything of value..

I used to steal cartons from the top shelf when she wasn't looking, packs of smokes and pouches of tobacco too; Anything to make money..

She would come back, and give us the bag.. She would do this quite a bit.. I feel horrible now for taking advantage of this girl.. but at the time I didn't care.. it was a way to get drugs. it was easy.. And with no cameras on, how would we get caught?

I used to take them to one guy, who would pay me 5 dollars a pack for every single one..
Sometimes I'd walk out of there with 600 dollars or more.. then we'd be back at the store again the next day, and back to his house for another 400..

This went on for a while... We'd talk to the girl, she would come over to my house and hangout.. I knew she liked us, or she wouldn't have done it.. And me being the addict.. I was the smooth talker, the one who could manipulate, lie, and get what I wanted..

I would give my other two friends their share.. they'd buy weed, or booze.. but I'd be sneaking off to buy pills.. They hated this.. but what could they do? they couldn't stop me.. I wouldn't stop..

I woke up one Monday morning, broke again.. feeling sick as a dog.. I told mom I was sick.. and stayed home from school..

How would I get a pill today? I had nothing of value left to sell.. I sold it all already. I had no money, nothing to trade.. I needed an idea..

Then I thought.. Why don't I just borrow from the guy I sell smokes to? he wouldn't mind.. and he knows I'm good for it. He's making money off of me every time I'm there. So I know he won't mind lending me some weed, or some money..

So off I went, to his house... knocked on the door..

I asked him if I could cuff a quarter ounce of weed until Friday night and I'd pay for it in smokes..

He said no problem.. got out his scales, and weighed it up..

I got back home, and looked for people to sell grams too. I needed at least 30 bucks..

I couldn't sell one gram.. I was getting sick.. and needed my fix..
So I just went to Marcus, and asked him to trade a pill for it.. sure enough he didn't mind..
I got a 24mg pill, which is about 30 dollars.. for a quarter of weed I could have made 80 dollars off of if I just waited..

But I was impatient.. I didn't have the rest of the day to waste looking for people to sell weed to.. I was sick.. and I needed to get this monster off my back for the rest of the day..

I got my pill, went home.. and did it.. I instantly felt better... But I didn't really get high..
My tolerance was up so high.. and I just needed opiates to basically get out of bed.. I knew I was addicted, and it was getting kind of scary.. but I didn't want to quit.. and I was getting desperate..

The next few stories, you'll see what I mean.. and I hate myself for what I did..

-Neil