Tuesday, February 28, 2012

First Detox Experiance (Part 3)

[ I'm typing this with my laptop.. it's messed up, and hard to write with.. Sorry for any typo's. it won't let me use spell check.. thanks guys]
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 "Come with me Neil... Said the Nurse..

I followed the her down the hall...

We went into the nurses office, and she seemed pretty upset..

"You need to follow the rules you signed.. You know smoking wasn't allowed.. "

"I know" I said.. " It's my first time in a place like this.. and I just really needed a smoke.. I was craving pills bad, and quiting smoking on top of that makes it was worse" I said, looking at the floor like a kid who just got caught doing something really bad..

" I'm giving you one more chance" she said, " But I need you to give me the rest of the smokes you have, and the lighter you used to light them" .. "I used matches " I said..

I went back to my room, and the nurse followed me.. " Show me where you hid them" I opened up my suit case, and threw it onto the bed.. I pulled the lining up, and gave her my smokes and my matches.. then closed it up.. "do you have anything else?" she said.. I told her no.. then she asked me to empty my pockets..

I couldn't remember if I put my pills back into my boxers.. I reached in, and I felt a baggie.. I put it in my hand, and pulled both pockets out.. " Nothing in these ones" I said... Praying she didn't notice what I did..
My heart was beating fast..
"now anything in your back pockets? " I put my front pockets in, and put the baggie back in as I did... I pulled open my back pockets.. and She looked in, just an addictions services card..

She checked my hoody, just a blue Bic pen..

"I'm giving you a second chance Neil, you're a bright and very nice young man; just don't throw away this help"
"I promise you I won't" I said.

She left, and that was that.. my roommate said " I didn't have enough time to tell you she was coming, she just came out of no where"
" yeah that's OK, shit happens" .. I laid down in my bed, and tried to relax..
I ended up falling asleep.. the nurse grabbed me.. and told me it was time for supper..

I was feeling stupid, Tamora sat next to me.. She was making small talk, and asked me if I had anything else..

I told her no, and told her I don't even have any smokes left, because I got caught..
She told me she was going to sneak out, meet her friend, and pick up some stuff..
She said when she got back she'd split some with me..

I finished what little supper I could eat.. then asked the nurse if I could get an ensure drink, because I haven't eaten much lately.. she said it wouldn't be a problem.. I grabbed a chocolate one.. then she told me it was time for my medication.. she asked how I was feeling, and I told her like shit.. she gave it to me, and I went right into my bedroom and threw it up..

I laid down, and fell asleep again..

My roommate woke me up, and said " Tamora wants to see you" .. I walked out to the end of the hallway, and sat down in the chair beside her.. She passed me something rolled up in toilet paper.. and told me to go take it, it'd make me feel better..

I went back to my room, and opened it up.. There was 6 Clonazapam 2mg pills and 2 morphine 200mg capsules..

My eyes lit up.. what a score for me.. and just for sharing a little bit of stuff with her.. I put them all into my baggie except 3 of the clonazapam. I swallowed those, and laid in my bed for ten minutes..

I came back out, and told her I did 1 of the 200 mg morphine.. She said "awesome Neil, I hope you feel better" .. I do already I said.. I told her I was going to lay down and let it kick in and then I'd meet her later..

I took my spoon, and grabbed a towel, and some new boxers and shorts.. and went to get a bath..
I started emptying pills onto the side of the tub.. I emptied the other half of my 30 mg capsule. and an entire morphine 200mg pill... I didn't know this, but that's a huuuge does of morphine, plus a large does of dilaudid mixed together with clonazapam.. that's a dangerous amount of drugs to take.. I was young, and I was stupid.. and thought I could handle it.. I snorted it all in two gigantic lines..

I didn't gag though, I was OK from the bit I did in the morning..

I got washed up fast, changed, and went to my room..

I was still waiting for the rush to hit me.. it usually take 5-10 minutes after snorting them.. and I was at about the 5 minute mark.. I got ready, put a hoody on, and went to the TV room... They were watching American idol.. I remember that much.. Tamora was there, and asked how I was feeling.. I told her " I don't even feel them yet.. She told me to reach under the table.. she gave me 2 more morphine 200's.. and told me only to snort another half of one..

see, she was under the impression I did it as soon as she gave it to me.. But I wanted to wait. I put the two pills inside my baggie.. I had 3 Morphine 200's.. a 30 mg duladid, and 3 clonazapam 2's left.
I drank my ensure, then made my way back down to the TV room... just then my rush hit me HARD..

"Feeling better?" She said, as I took a seat beside her at the big table behind the television and couches..
" Oh yeah.. I feel fucking great " I said..

We both talked and talked and talked about everything.. I felt so warm and caring.. we talked about why we ended up in this place..and if we both actually wanted to quit.. we both said we didn't.. we both weren't ready too.. She was  leaving the next day.. I was supposed to be there for another 10 days or more..

We talked all night, and I went to bed.. passed out hard.. and I'm lucky I didn't stop breathing.. I could have, and if I had taken even 1 more of the clonazapam pill, I just might have..

You can't play games with drugs... They're powerful.. if you're reading this, and you do drugs.. Please don't mix them.. I watched people OD and almost die from mixing them.. and I myself OD'd many times, and almost died.. it's not worth it. So please just be careful...

I woke up for breakfast in the morning.. and I grabbed my tray and my coffee and sat down beside Tamora.. We were talking about how she was leaving that day.. She gave me her number, and she told me to meet her at the end of the hall and she has another going away present for me..

I didn't even eat a bite of my food, I just made my coffee.. and gave my meal to one of the other guys..
I walked down the hallway, and passed the nurses station, they told me they'd need my vitals, and needed to give me my medication, they said I'd be called in 10 minutes..

I met Tamora, and she passed me rolled up toilet paper.. I told her I was taking it back to my room then I had to meet the nurse..

She gave me 5 more clonazapam 2's. and 5 more morphine 200's. .. There was also a note in it.. I stashed it all in my boxers.. then went to take my medication.. I did.. and then went to throw it up instantly.. then flushed it.. I brushed my teeth, then told them I was going to get a shower.. I snorted a 200 after I got my shower.. I walked out of the bathroom, and went right into my room..

I went to get my hair dryer out because I had long hair, and it was still really went.. I didn't feel the rush yet.. when I was looking for my blow dryer, I found a smoke I left behind.. I had to matches.. fuck..
I wanted a smoke bad, and the nurses seemed busy.. I could blow dry my hair, and light it off the red coil inside.. and blow it out the windows in our room..

I lit it off the coils, and shut it off, and stood by the window, and tried blowing my puffs out it.. but the wind kept blowing some of it back in.. It wasn't even two seconds later.. the nurse walked in.. They can smell smoke a mile away, because most of them don't smoke themselves..

I was busted.. I lied and lied, and tried to tell them every story I could think of to stay.. but they decided to kick me out..

They called my mom, and I had to pack up all my stuff.. "She'll be right here to pick you up"
And she was.. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to Tamora.. My mom showed up, and didn't even give me a hug.. she was do disappointed that I got kicked out..

We got in the car, and I opened up my bag that had my axe spray, lighters and cigarettes.. I lit a smoke, and blew it out the car window..

I told mom how sorry I was, and that I really wanted the help.. It was just too hard to quit smoking at the same time..

off to the house we went.. I was really starting to get high, and I told mom I felt drowsy from the medication they gave me..

I wasn't really upset at all.. I was glad I was out of there.. Plus I still had a good stash of drugs, and 35 dollars in coins..

We got home, and mom said "when dad gets home, we're going to have to figure something else out"

" Sorry I blew it mom... I love you.. "

-End

The next blog will pick up from where this left off.. but it's not part 4.. it's just an entirely different story..

Thanks for reading, leave a question or a comment if you'd like..

-Neil

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