First Detox Experiance (Part 2)

I woke up to a nurse knocking at my door... she said "it's time for breakfast.. "

I woke up, and my nose was so dry.. I got out of bed, and put some pajama pants on and a hoody.. I went to the bathroom, and blew my nose.. It instantly started bleeding... and it wouldn't stop..

It was pouring blood.. I grabbed toilet paper, and grabbed the end of my nose, and tilted my head back.. but the blood just kept going down the back of my throat.. it turned my stomach instantly.. and I threw up..

While I was throwing up, blood was pouring out of my nose, all down my face.. I looked like I got into a fight..
I just kept gagging, and gagging.. and  this must have went on for well over 10 minutes..

When I was done, the blood finally stopped.. but it looked like a crime scene in the bathroom.. I cleaned it all up.. then went out into my room..
The worst part about the room setup.. is that the sink is outside of the bathroom.. So as soon as I opened the door, there's my two roommates staring at me..

The last thing I wanna do is answer any questions.. but of course, they both ask me " Are you OK Neil? Do you want me to get you a nurse?" I said "I'm fucking fine, don't go get a nurse, I'm just a little sick"

I grabbed some facial wash, and washed my face.. it took me a few minutes to get all of the dried blood off, and out of my nose.. I then had to clean up the sink.. It was a mess... Just like me..

The other two guys left for breakfast.. and I finally ended up going down.. everyone was done, but my tray was still sitting there on the meal cart.. the plates were covered with large metal covers, so were the cups... I lifted the cover.. there was two pieces of soggy toast, and an egg... As well as a small metal bowl of oatmeal..

I poured some brown sugar on the oatmeal, and a little milk over it.. I ate maybe 4 or 5 bites... When Tomara came in... She asked me how I was feeling, and I told her I was feeling like death..

She told me she was feeling a little better, she saved half of a pill, and did it before breakfast.. she thanked me again.. And said it's too bad you don't have anymore..

I looked at her.. She looked cute, she was small, short and skinny.. and had big brown eyes..
I told her I still have 2 8's left.. and I needed one.. but I had Valium too, and we could split some of those..
Her eyes lit up, she said "that's so awesome, Are you done eating?" While she said this she was rubbing my thigh, just closer to my knee.. but just having someone to be affectionate with in a place like this felt great.. I didn't know anyone there.. and in less than 24 hours I met this girl, who seemed to like me..

Little did I know, she was just using me.. All addicts do, they can sniff out drugs, and know ways to get it.. they can play with your mind, and lie to you, until you believe them 100%. I knew how to do this, and I should have known better, I was only ruining her chance at sobriety; I wasn't helping her..

I went to my room, And grabbed the baggies from my boxers.. I took out the 2 8's and the rest of the Valium.. I took half of the Valium, and gave her the rest, as well as one of the 8 mg pills.. She honestly chewed the Valium up in front of me, without any water, and swallowed them the second I put them in her hand.. Then she said "I'll be back, meet me here when you're done"

I brought a spoon back with me from the meal area.. I took all the stuff I needed.. and walked back into the hallway, and headed for the larger bathroom with the shower and tub in it.. I was walking past the nurses station, when they said " Neil, we need to take your vitals, and give you your medication"
"Fuck" I thought.. I just wanted to do my pills and feel better.. not go through this bullshit..
I wasn't there for recovery.. I was there for an alibi, and to make other people happy.. I wasn't there for myself.. I didn't want the help.. and I was taking that bed away from someone who actually needed it and wanted it..

She put the blood pressure cuff on me, and took my pulse.. she said "your pressure is a little low, but nothing out of the ordinary for an addict going through withdrawal"
She asked me if I was craving a smoke, and I told her I was.. she asked if I wanted a nicotine patch or gum.. and I told her "just the gum is fine" she gave me 4 pieces.. then passed me a blue mug with Orange juice in it.. "what's in this?" "It's Methadone, we need to get you stabilized, then we gradually bring you down"

.. I knew what Methadone was.. and I didn't fucking want it.. it blocks you from getting high, it's a synthetic opiate, and it lasts longer then any other opiate.. It's not euphoric like morphine, dilaudids or Oxycontin.. It has a slow onset, and you don't feel any effects from it.. but it fills your opiate receptors.. so if you take any other drug, it won't give you the rush you wanted.. it won't do anything to you.

I drank it, and said "thank you" and went to the bathroom.. I turned the tap on in the tub.. and then went into where the shower was, and stuck my fingers down my throat.. And I made myself throw up the methadone she just gave me.. and the little oatmeal I ate.. I turned the shower on, and washed it down the drain..

I went back into the area with the tub, and closed the door.. I pulled out the 8mg pill, and one of the 30 mg capsules.. I emptied half the beads from the capsule, about 15mg's.. and crushed the beads up with the spoon.. I then crushed up the 8mg pill with it all, and made two lines..

My nose was all dried out and hurt, but I didn't care. I un-screwed the pen at both ends, and put it up to my nose.. and snorted the first line.. It tasted so good, I loved everything about it..
I snorted the other line... but it hit the back of my throat like a pick-up truck.. It took everything in my power not to throw up..

I went to the window, but they have it screwed shut so you can't open it even a little.. I went into where the shower was, turned the tap on and set it to the coldest setting.. then breathed the air.. It made me feel better, and I didn't throw up.. I then shut it off, and went and took my bath.. I felt the rush, and everything I wanted.. I could feel my stomach tighten up, and it was growling.. I was hungry..

I got out, dried myself off.. and walked back to my room.. I felt great again... Tamora was sitting at the end of the hallway, and she was smiling.. she made me feel so warm, and happy.. and made this high feel even better.. I dropped the towel and my old clothes off in my room, and then brushed my teeth.. I went back into the hallway to sit with her..

We talked for a little while, and she was brushing her leg up against mine.. If we had of got caught, they would have kicked us both out.. You can't so much as hug another client.. it's all about recovery, and that's the main goal of it. It's not about making friends..

She told me to take some laundry down to the laundry room in 10 minutes.. and she'd meet me there..
It's at the other end of the hallway, and you're not allowed to go there with another client, so she went first.. I went 10 minutes after..

As soon as I walked in, she kissed me, and it felt good.. I was young, and wasn't very experienced, and Thought this was the best thing ever..
She asked if I had a condom, I told her I didn't.. and she said "well we can't have sex then"
I thought to myself how much I wished I had one.. just then she unbuttoned my pants.. and stuck her hand down them..

It was over in a couple of minutes.. and She was smiling.. she thought it was funny.. I was really embarrassed, I felt so stupid. She said "I'll talk to you later, I'm going to lay down" and she left..
I chucked my clothes in the washer.. and sat there for a minute.. did that really just happen?

I was thinking she must have thought I was just a little kid, she barley touched me.. She probably didn't want anything to do with me.. what if she told her roommate? fuck.. I felt so stupid, and wished I didn't even go down there..

I was sitting in my room, when one of my roommates came in, and said "Tamora wants you to go talk to her, She's in the TV room"

I went down, and she was doing a puzzle at the table,  I sat beside her.. and she said "So, was it fun?" and I said "of course it was" She asked me how many girls I had been with.. I told her something like 10, when it was really only 2.. I could tell she didn't believe me. "Well, I thought it was fun" she said.. We started talking about what our plans were when we left detox. I told her I was going to focus on school again, and try to get more work.. She already finished school, and she said she was looking for a job.. she was still living with her parents..

She was leaving there in a few days, and I still had just shy of two weeks left. I didn't want her to leave.. I didn't even know any of the other people there.. I felt out of place.. I was really starting to get high.. I told her I had to go lay down.. and she left too.. we walked up the hallway together, she turned right, I turned left a few feet later down the hall..

One of my roommates asked me if there was something going on between me and Tamora.. I told her No, and he said "that's too bad, she's hot" .. This man was like 50 years old, Tamora was only 18.. I just said "yeah she is" and laid in bed. I didn't care for this guy, he seemed like a creep. He asked me if he could have another smoke.. and I told him I'd split one with him.. I smoked half of it, and went opened the door to tell him to come take the other half.. When the nurse walked in.. "Neil I know you're smoking.. I can smell it"

Busted.. Smoking was grounds for getting kicked out.. I signed a contract and everything.. what would my mom and dad say? .. Fuck, what was I going to do..

- End of part 2.

I'll put the final Part up tonight or tomorrow.. it's not as long as part 1 or 2..

Thanks for reading. And I'm sorry To anyone in my family if they're reading this, I know it was a little graphic.. but it's the truth.