Drawn in..

I was in grade 10; I took a percocet and smoked a joint to come down from cocaine one day.. I didn't know a whole lot about it, but I knew it was a painkiller. It made me pretty mellow.. I just relaxed watching a TV screen that wasn't even on for a couple of hours.. I felt warm, and didn't really wanna move. I was wondering why people bother fighting, or why it's so wrong to feel this relaxed..

My fascination grew into an obsession.. I would go on websites and read about every different drug there was, what they did to your body, the dose someone my size would need.. I studied addiction, and was so naive towards the thought of it.. that would never happen to me..

I started to look for the names of prescription drugs I found... my own medicine cabinet, then my grandmothers.. I found a drug called talwin. It's a synthetic opiate mixed with an anti-antagonist, so it's less abuseable But that didn't stop me. I swallowed 2, and went to school.

I waited, and didn't feel much for the first hour.. I thought this was pointless.. no sooner did I say that, then this warmth came over me.. I could feel it inside of me, spreading through my body... my arms and legs got heavier, and my smile grew... I loved this feeling, how can something you get from a doctor be addictive?
I ended up drawing in my binder instead of working on an assignment that was due.. I didn't care, it didn't matter... nothing mattered in that moment.. except wanting to feel like this again..

I would sneak them from my grandmother hear and there, she had a lot of them, but I didn't want her to ever run out, she had back pain, and I knew she needed them.. so I needed another source..

I started asking around at school, about talwin... no one had even heard of it.. the only "pain killer" I heard about what "dilaudid".. everywhere I asked; this name kept popping up.. I heard of guys taking one pink pill, and not being able to move, they would throw up and then feel even higher.. I put that on my mental list of drugs I wanted to try..