Thursday, February 9, 2012

The begining of the end.. blog11.


Opiates are one of the most addictive drugs available.. They make you forget your troubles, forget your pain.. They bring you so far from reality that you never want to face it again.. It’s part of everything that you do.
I would wake up in the morning.. And the first thing on my mind would be getting some of these..


When the rush hit me from snorting Demerol, I couldn't believe it.. What the hell was this? It was the best feeling I've ever felt, better than the first time I had sex, better than doing well on a test, better than cocaine or Dexedrine.. It was like I fell in love instantly.. That was it for me..

Sitting in class, I was unaware of what the teacher was saying, I blocked everything around me out..  The only thing on my mind was this feeling.. This pure pleasure.. This euphoria..
Why would people have wars? I thought... why do people fight? Why do kids bully other kids? What’s the point? If everyone could just feel like I felt, they'd love each other.. And war would be a thing of the past..

This is honestly the thoughts that would go through my head.. This drug is so powerful, you could have told me my dog died, and I would have said "at least he's in a better place" ... nothing, and I mean nothing else mattered in this moment..

I was in a dreamlike state, and almost falling asleep... then the bell rang, and I sort of  snapped out of it for a minute.. I put my binder in my book bag, and started walking.. A friend of mine talked to me when we got in the hallways, he asked me if I was feeling ok.. I said something along the lines of "I’ve never been better" and kept walking, a few other people tried to have conversations with me, but I just brushed them off.. I had one more class that day, but I walked right out the front doors, and headed to my grandmother’s house; I told her I wasn't feeling well, and just went in the room and sat in the chair.. I remember having a hard time staying awake.. I was half asleep and seeing weird things when I’d close my eyes.. This is what some people call "the nod"

I took 2 100mg Demerol pills, which is a pretty hefty does for someone my size... I was small and skinny, and had no opiate tolerance.. After maybe 2 hours, I started to feel sick.. I had to run to the bathroom.. And threw up everything inside of me... as soon as I did, I started to feel better.. And kind of sobered up..
I washed my face, and brushed my teeth.. My grandmother had a hard time hearing, so she didn't notice.. I got in my mother’s car when she got off work.. And went home. I remember going to my room, and going to sleep.. But I don't remember having a conversation with her. Or my brothers..

I woke up around 6:30.. And ate my supper, I just acted like I wasn't feeling well... I went to bed early, and slept the entire night.. My mother woke me up the next morning.. I didn't feel tired, or groggy.. So I got up and got a bath before school... the only thing on my mind was feeling like this again.. And "lucky for me", I still had 10 of these pills left..

I remember when I first got to school, passing my friends, I went right to the bathroom..
I took a battery out of my pocket, a 5 dollar bill, and snorted 1 pill... it burned, and I choked.. I splashed some water in my face, and went back into the halls.. And met up with some of my friends.

A few of them had a gram, and were going to smoke it before class started.. We went to an old building behind the school, and rolled 2 joints.. I remember the rush started, and I was telling them about it.. One of them was disgusted with me, literally.. And warned me of the dangers, and told me how stupid it was.. The other two just asked a few questions about it.. And I talked and talked and talked... you couldn't shut me up.

I was usually a quiet kid.. I wasn't very outgoing, but this drug changed all of that, and my heart didn't hurt in the process.. I didn't feel bummed out, or tired the next day like with Dexedrine.. I felt fine, no hangover or anything.. It made more sense to do this.. But I didn't know where to get these pills..

I started asking around... and sure enough.. They weren’t that hard to get...

5 comments:

  1. I was never one for drugs of any really a little weed here and there.. but I definately have seen my share of people in trouble because of drugs, how much a person's personality and direction of life changes in just one decision to say no.. I hope these blogs help some individual that is in a similar position in life as you were Neil, God knows theres many here in town!

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  2. I really want to help them.. you have no idea. I've got other ideas i'm thinking of, things I can get involved with, or start. I wanna see a change in this town, for the better... it needs to be done.

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  3. Never been an opiate guy, because a huge natural tolerance runs in the family. Probably for the best, because feeling like shit after doing stimulants tends to stop me from doing them too often. Reading stuff like this also reminds me to keep my habit in check.

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  4. Or even just stopping all together?

    Life is much better without drugs man.

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    1. I can appreciate the fact that you are genuine in this belief, especially since you went through the worst of what drug use can do to a person, and were lucky enough to come out of it as good as you did. It would, however, be more accurate to say that life is better without addiction. I understand that taking drugs is gambling with that, but you have a degree of control over it, before you get to the point of addiction. My dad was an alcoholic and did coke when I was little, and I got in fights with him a lot. Around the time I was 10, he got help, and ever since then, he's been the best father I could ask for. If anything good came from his problems, it's the fact that I got drilled into my head from a young age that there is help for things like this. If I ever do get to a bad place with my usage, I know that. If it happens anytime in the next few years, I'll definitely talk to you, because you seem like a pretty decent guy. I really respect you, and spent like an hour writing this, trying to make sure I didn't accidentally insult you, or belittle what you went through. I still kind of feel like I could have worded it better, so I just want to say once more, I respect you totally.

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