Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Addiction creeps in.. Feb15/2012

I woke up, a little hungover... feeling gross... my head was pounding.. I felt horrible...

But the second I remembered I had pills left... I got excited.. I jumped out of bed, with a hangover.. as fast as I could, I chucked my pants on, and my hoodie..

I felt for the baggy of pills and found it.. and made sure I had my battery and my Canadian tired bill.... I went to the bathroom to snort one.. But dad was in there getting a shower.. I went downstairs to the other bathroom... mom was on the computer, which was right by the bathroom door... I couldn't risk doing drugs there and getting caught... So I asked her for a toonie to get a coffee..

Walking down the street; I couldn't wait to get high.. it was the only thing on my mind.. That's how powerful addiction is.. I was no older than 17.. I played sports, had friends, tests coming up.. girls I talked to... but the only thing I cared about was doing that pill.. and this was just the beginning of my addiction.. That's the scary part..

I opened the bathroom door at timhortons.. but there was someone in the stall... I waited and waited.. he took forever.. I was thinking about going into the girls bathroom to do it, I just couldn't wait.
I heard him flush.. and it felt like he took an hour to finally come out... once he did I basically ran in there.. it stunk.. I looked at the tank of the toilet.. it was covered with dust... so I wiped it off with paper towel.. and did a piss poor job.. it kind of turned my stomach.. but I pulled out that bag, and took out a pill... Then I thought, maybe I should do another half of one..to cure my hangover. So I broke one in half... for a total of 6 mg's... I made them into two lines.. Just as I rolled up the little red bill, another person came in the bathroom... I sat back down, and pretended I was using the bathroom... he didn't go for the urinal, so I knew he was waiting for the stall.. I had the crack covered up with my coat, so I said to myself  "fuck it, I'm gonna do it anyway.."

I snorted the first line, and the powder hit the back of my throat like a bullet... I instantly felt nauseous..
I lifted the seat, and threw up, and gagged, and felt like I was dying.. the man left the bathroom, and I finally stopped dry heaving.. I flushed the toilet, and blew my nose.. I figured I blew out most of the pill, so I crushed up the other half... and split the other line up with it. and made 2 more...

I snorted them, gagged again.. but I wasn't sick.. I put everything away in my pockets, and I splashed water in my face, and drank some aswell. I washed my hands and left the bathroom.

As soon as I opened the door, there was the man staring at me, and a women he was with... he asked me if I was OK, and I said I was just fine, I was just feeling a little sick. He replied "you should be home in bed, not over town making other people sick"  I told him "I'm on my way home after I get a coffee" .. I could tell he was mad he had to wait. I didn't wipe down the seat after I was sick.. but didn't think of this at the time.. I ordered a large triple triple.. sat down, and started sipping it...

He went back to the counter before he left, and talked to one of the workers... she went with the mop bucket, and cleaned the bathroom..

I felt the high coming.. The warmth... everything I wanted.. I felt amazing and sat there.. by myself.. and enjoyed it.

..about 5 minutes after that, the woman who cleaned the bathroom came out, and walked right up to me..
She said " thanks for making a mess in there.. Why are you still here if you're sick?" And I said "I just wanted to drink my coffee, and I was scared I was going to be sick again.. so I didn't want to be far from a bathroom"

..She said "there's yellow powder all over the back of the toilet... do you know anything about that?"
.. normally I would have been worried... but I was so high I didn't care... I said " what are you talking about?" and she said " I know who you are, I know who your family is"

I can't remember my exact response, but I know it was rude... I said I didn't give a fuck, and I didn't do anything wrong, so leave me alone..

As soon as she left, I got up and walked out...

Walking home, I felt so good.. like my life was perfect.. I thought this was how everyone else felt... maybe there was something wrong with me.. and this is what I needed to make it right.. It made me fearless... I didn't have a care in the world.. Nothing else seemed to matter.

I got home, and talked to mom... my hangover was completely gone at this point..as was I..  I didn't feel sick at all anymore, and I told mom I ran into a friend when I was there; so I stayed to chat.... I told her I had homework to do, so I wanted to go on the computer..  I didn't have homework, I just wanted to find more drugs, and find something to do..

I ended up chatting to a guy about these drugs.. saying they felt good. And he told me his dad was on them... We set up a deal for that Monday at school.. and I couldn't wait..

He had 8mg pills, for a dollar each.. these were twice as strong as the yellow ones I was getting before. He was going to bring me 15-20 of them.. these normally go for 15-20 dollars each. Which would have severly limited my access to them. But because they were so cheap, I was able to maintain quite a hefty habbit.

This was still saturday morning, so I had to make these last few pills carry me over till Monday..
I went out to a friends house, he didn't want one.. so I didn't do any for a the rest of the day. I met someone, and sold them 3 for 25 dollars... because I needed money for Monday..

I did the rest of them sunday evening alone in my room... by myself... and layed in my bed.. nodding off, and burning holes in my blankets.. Just like some loser junkie you see on tv who shoots heroin... I was 17..

I woke up Monday and got ready for school... and felt sick to my stomach... my body was sore... what the hell was this? why did I feel like this? ..

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