Straight to the source..

So.. My plan was to go straight to the source... a doctor... then instead of paying 20 dollars for a 12mg pill.. I would pay $1.15 each from the pharmacy..

I went to the hospital, and complained about a certain problem... I'm not going to say what one, or give any details on here.. because I don't want the drug addicts who read this to know about the tricks of the trade.

I sat in there, wondering what would happen next.. She came back and gave me a prescription for 30 12Mg hydromorphone contin pills.. enough to last me half a month...Or if I wanted, a full month, if I only took one a day..

I had a follow up appointment for 2 weeks later..

I went to a pharmacy away from town, so my mother wouldn't know anything if she picked up a prescription for me, as they print your past prescriptions right on the slip if you pick up a new one..

I walked into the pharmacy, and they filled my prescription, they had JUST enough to fill it for me they said, because they don't keep a high quantity of narcotics in the pharmacy.. in the city, a lot of them are getting robbed.

I walked out of there smiling... this was perfect..
If I could keep doing this, I wouldn't need to commit any crimes and I would have as steady supply of drugs.. it would just take a little work..

After getting out of detox, I lowered my tolerance a bit by weaning myself down on a mixture of dilaudid, clonazapam and morphine.. I got myself down to doing 2 or 3 12mg pills a day again.. which was what I needed..

The next two weeks, I made these pills last.. I would snort one when I woke up, and I would get pretty high.. Then before I went to bed, I would snort the other pill... I did this everyday for the next two weeks until my appointment... This way, it was easier to hide from my parents.. I wasn't stealing, I wasn't doing anything bad, so they figured I was doing OK again..

I was saving any amount of money I could get my hands on too..

I went to another doctor, one in town this time, and refilled my prescription for clonazapam, but I got her to bump it up to 4 a day, instead of 3.. I would sell most of them for dilaudids... I could trade 10 of them for a 12mg pill from another guy I knew... So I did this a lotttt.. And I would save them.

I went back to my doctor, and ended up getting 60 this time instead of 15.. this was perfect I thought.. but I would have to go to another doctor next time...

I did OK for about a week.. only doing two a day... I also had 10 other 12's in my stash box..
But then my addiction grew again... I would do 3 a day for 2 days in a row.. then go back to two a day..
This wasn't looking good for my "Big, smart plan!" .. I fooled myself into thinking I could control my addiction... I couldn't... I can't... and I'll NEVER be able to. That's why I know I'll never use again.

I went back to the hospital, and told the nurses there that someone stole my prescription bottle of clonazapam.. I said I had a party, and now I can't find them.. I told them it's been a day now without my prescription, so I was starting to feel sick...

They believed me, and wrote me another prescription to get me through the rest of the month..
Which was like 90 more pills.. Which I traded for 9 12mg dilaudids..

Now how long did this last? Every pill, was gone a little more than 2 weeks before I could get another prescription..

So what did I have to do? Steal, con, lie... all that..

My "Great" Plan turned out to be a stupid plan... A drug addict can't hold onto drugs for long, or make them last... you just do them until they're gone..

Like they say, one is too many, and a thousand is never enough... Well that's true..

There is no "in between" with addiction... you might be able to have both lives going for a little while, but sooner or later it will grow to big and topple over.. It's all stress, it's a horrible life... and Now, after being clean for so long... I can't imagine going back to that life...

Thanks for reading guys!

-Neil