Part 3..

I woke up in the morning... Feeling sick... which is what I wanted..
I still had some money, no one was home... Everyone was at school or work... except me..

I made a plan the night before.. and I knew what I was going to do..

I got a shower, and washed my feet really well.. I decided that's where I was going to inject... that way there wouldn't be any marks on my arms..

I got out of the shower.. it was 9:00am.. it was a beautiful sunny day.. and I was up to no good..

I called the Pharmacy, and placed an order... I said "Hi, I need a pack of diabetic needles, and a pin wheel filter"
"We don't carry those pin-wheel filters here" ... "Well do you have any other filters?" I said.. "Yes, we have a micron tip filter" That sounds fine, I'll take that.. How much will that come to?" " Around $5.00" she said..
"I'll stop over to pick it up in about 30 minutes" I said... and hung up..

OK... they can't say no now... I'll just ask for my package I called and ordered... if they said anything else.. I would just tell them it was for a school project..

I decided I would go see Marcus's and buy a 12mg pill.. I would inject half of it for my first time... 6Mg's wouldn't be too much I thought..

..So I walked the long walk to Marcus's.. he lived pretty far from my house.. I went in, and bought the 12mg pill... I already had drugs... but I want to make sure I was getting exactly 6mg's, so I wanted to do it this way. I felt it was the safest overall. ..When I was leaving, I was hoping to run into Becca' .. but she wasn't there today..

I walked down main street, and stopped in at the pharmacy.. I grabbed a bottle of water, and an elastic.. the kind you get put on you when you give a blood sample at the hospital..

I walked to the back of the pharmacy... I grabbed some alcohol wipes, and some latex gloves.. and I asked for my package.. I paid for all of it, and kind of got a dirty look... but I didn't care... I left, and walked home..

The short walk home, I was worried.. my heart was beating... "Would I turn into a junkie now?"
I thought to myself... I just wanted to try it a couple of times, then I would keep on snorting.. the only time I would do this, was when I was short on money...

I got home, and shut all of the blind and locked all of the doors and windows.. I knew no one would be home until at least 12.. but probably closer to after 3..

I set up in the kitchen.. I sprayed everything down with disinfectant..
I got out a spoon, and wiped it off with alcohol swabs.. I washed my hands with anti-bacterial soap, and then put on the gloves...

I crushed the full 12 mg pill on a small plate-that I also wiped down with alcohol wipes- and then made them into two lines... I poured one line; equally 6mg's; Into the spoon..

I opened up the package of needles, and looked for a filter...
It was a needle tip with a filter built into it... I couldn't use that.. so it was useless... Fuck, I thought... I had no filter... I guess I'm going to have to use part of a cotton ball..

I reached into the cupboard, and grabbed a cotton ball.. and ripped off a small amount.. I sat it on the plate..
I took one needle out of the package, and I opened up the bottle of water.. I took the orange cap off the needle, and I sucked up some of the water..

I was feeling sick at this point.. and I was vibrating like a massage chair... I was nervous, and scared about what I was doing..

I sucked up half the syringe full of water up.. and sprayed it into the spoon, all over the powder...
I stirred it up with a toothpick.. which I also wiped down with an alcohol swab..
I sat the spoon on the stove.. and cooked the mixture until it just started to bubble..

I took it off the burner, and sat it down on one of the packages the alcohol wipes come in, so the black stuff from the spoon wouldn't go everywhere.

I took a new needle out of the package, pulled the cap off.. and then I chucked the filter in... all the water sucked up into it..
I put the needle tip into the cotton, and pulled back on the plunger.. the clear water came rushing into it..
I did it right...

I turned it upside down, and started flicking it... I got all of the air bubbles out of I put the cap back on.. and cleaned up my mess while it cooled down..
I put everything in the garbage except the needles. I chucked them back in the bag.
Once it was all cleaned up.. I went into the dinning room of my house..

I sat down in the chair, and pulled off my sock..
I wiped down the top of my foot with an alcohol wipe..
I put on the elastic, and put on a new pair of latex gloves...
I slipped my foot to bring the veins up.. they came up thick and I thought... this is it...

I took the cap off the needle, and I lifted my foot up onto the chair I was sitting on..
I made sure there was no air bubbles in it, and I looked for the vein I was going to use..
I found it..

I took the needle, and shoved it into my vein, I pulled back, and a little blood came.. but I was shaky... I started pushing.. and it burned.. I knew I was missing from what I read...

I pulled it out, and tried it again.. I pushed in, but the pain kept coming..

I stopped, and looked at my foot... it was swelling up... I injected almost all of it, but it didn't go into my veins..

I wiped all the blood off, and took the elastic off.. My foot was swelling up.. and I started to get really scared..

I read about abscesses, and I was terrified I might have got one...
What could I tell my mom if I did ? I started to cry... I was so scared... I read that you could lose your foot if you do it wrong... I was scared... I thought about calling my mom.. but then she would know... there was nothing I could say that she would believe..

I ran upstairs to the bathtub.. I put hot water on it, then cold water... hot water and cold water... I heard that could help fix an abscess.. it was still swollen up on the top.. I was reallllly getting scared..
I put polysporn on it, and then a big bandage.

I cleaned everything up... and went online... I posted under a different name, and told them what I did.. and asked if I would lose my foot..
They all laughed at me... they said "You just missed, you basically skin popped it" I didn't know what this was... and I was still crying.. I asked.. and they said "you'll be fine.. the swelling will go down once the drug absorbs... don't be so stupid next time, and use your arm or an easier vein..

I thought to myself  "fuck this... I'm NEVER going to try this again... And I didn't... for almost 2 years..

I poured out a 30mg pill, and snorted it, along with the rest of the 12mg pill..

I laid down, and played some video games... I got high from snorting it.. and I thought to myself  "I'm gonna stick with this.. it's safer"

After a few hours, I went to the hospital.. I told them I was having a panic attack... which I did get sometimes, but I knew how to deal with them..

Once they took me into one of the rooms, and said "the doctor will be with you shortly.. I threw away the needles I bought into the safe sharps containers they had on the wall there..

The doctor came in, asked me a few questions, and I left with a prescription for 60 Ativan... I was happy again.. "Legal drugs? I thought... this is great!"

I went to the other pharmacy... got my Ativan, and went home..
-End


Now, I wish I could say I never injected after that, but most of you know it's not true... the good thing about this situation was it scared me away from it for a while... the bad part, is I still wanted to know how it felt... The trip reports I read sounded amazing.. so eventually I ended up doing it.. but that's not coming for a while.. Thanks for reading guys!

-Neil Calder