lots of money for little work..

..This idea made so much sense.. Why steal from people I love, when I can steal from other addicts..
I'm preventing them from doing drugs, while making my wallet fatter.. Is it really that bad?

I rationalised everything.. it didn't matter what it was.. I could have stolen from the pope and made a tale about how it was OK.. to delay the guilt, the shame and the pain from doing it..

It seemed too easy.. I had so many people messaging me.. And while I was talking to them, I would say "Don't tell another soul about this or I won't do it" I had to keep this private for as long as I could to make as much money as I could..

We talked about details.. how I would send them, how I would accept a payment...
We figured I'd accept a western union money order for payment.. and when I mailed it.. I would buy a big candle, hollow out the bottom of it, put the drugs inside, and melt the wax back over it.. then slap the sticker back on the bottom and mail it out..

It was simple.. I didn't even talk to some guys for more than 20 minutes and they'd be sending me 200 dollars through western union..
I used my real name at first.. with a fake address.. I would walk over to the sears outlet and accept it..
I was doing this everyday.. sometimes twice a day for almost 2 months..

I ended up lying to the guys, I'd tell them it got sent back to me, so I had to send it back out..
I would sometimes mail them a blank express post envelope with a tracking number on it just to get them to send the money..
A few of them would say they wanted the tracking number before they would give me the "secret answer" on the western union transfer..

It was too easy..

But at the sears outlet, they started to get a little suspicious... How did I make so much money.. I was 16, and wasn't working.. I can't remember what lie I told them exactly.. I said I was selling old books I found that were worth money.. The only reason I did this, was because I went there one day with 4 books I bought from the library.. they were older, and it just flew out of my mouth..

I started to think that things were getting a little too sketchy in my own town.. So I would use a fake name, and go to Amherst..

Before, you didn't need I.D to collect a money transfer.. you could just use a secret question and answer..
Some days I would have to collect three at a time, all from different places, all over 150 dollars...
I was making so much money, and spending it just as fast..

I had all my debts paid off, I had so many drugs.. I bought them from everyone I knew..  I had valium, xanax, xtc, Dexedrine, dilaudids and Oxycontin.. I was set.. I didn't have anything to worry about..

Eventually, my luck ran out.. one person posted that I ripped them off, and there was over 25 replies saying I ripped them off too.. So that didn't work out obviously..
I ended up going to a few different message boards, and changed my screen name on this one.. I ended up getting banned from all of them for ripping them all off, and it didn't turn out too well..

I never got in trouble, they couldn't just call the cops and say "I wanted to buy drugs off of him, and he stole the money" obviously that wouldn't work.. So Nothing ended up happening, or so I thought.. but Karma has a funny way of showing itself..

I was over indulging.. I had way too may drugs for a 16 year old to have.. actually, one pill is too much, one joint is too much... I didn't really touch on this much.. but I used to smoke a lot of pot.. I don't anymore obviously, and I actually despise it.. but do I think it's all that bad? In a way.. no, I know a lot of people who use marijuana, and have never tried any harder drugs..
I also know people who smoke it everyday without rest.. but a good percentage of them aren't out robbing a store to buy weed, they're not sick on the floor from not having it.

Now I don't condone the use of it, but I don't demonize it either.. I think it got me into a group of friends who knew about other drugs.. it's gotta start somewhere.. but I believe I would have ended up trying them anyway.. I would see them on TV, and it just seemed so awesome.. before I did drugs of any kind, I did a project on them. The high itself seemed so amazing, it intrigued me.. I don't know if it's really a gateway drugs.. And I don't care. A lot of people have asked me about this..

No amount of drugs are good, no type of drugs are good... you can abuse any substance, from marijuana, to caffeine pills.. coffee to cigarettes.. Alcohol to tv...  Moderation is key in the use of anything.. eating fast food, or even exercise.. you just need to use your head, and be aware of the dangers of anything. I'm not going to talk about marijuana anymore. I don't do it, and I never will again. the last time I did it I was so paranoid I had a panic attack. So pleasssse don't email me asking me about it, and if I'm going to post about it.. We all know it's not 100% harmless.. Alcohol is legal, but there is thousands of deaths from it every year.. The crime involving alcohol is huge. People get drunk, and lose their reasoning.. and end up doing stupid stuff..-And yes, there's no LD-50, or overdoes potential from weed, I know all of the arguments-
It's the same with drugs.. And that's where I found myself. I lost control, I lost insight to myself.

The line between good and evil grew closer and closer each time I got high. When would I stop? When would I learn?

Well come to find out.. having thousands of dollars worth of drugs when you're 16years old, usually ends up in a mess one way or another.. I ended up in the I.W.K.. with a police escort, trying to find out how much of what drug I was on...

That will be in my next post.. Either this afternoon or tomorrow..

Thanks for reading.. and sorry if my thoughts are all over the place.. I'm sick today,.

-Neil