Sneak.

I was starting to feel the effects of the drugs... sitting there watching TV...

I lit a cigarette and started talking to mom... She took the day off work, and we talked all day.
I was telling her how sorry I was, how bad I felt.. But nothing I could say at that time could make her feel any better..

We talked about how much I owed. and mom said she would give me the money when dad got home from work to pay off my debts..

I thought about telling them the truth, that I didn't owe 500 dollars.. that I was sorry, and why I really did what I did.. but then everything would fall apart.. I couldn't risk that.. I would just have to pay them back.

So all day, the only thing on my mind, was trying to figure out how much extra money I made, what I would buy with it.. and how I would conserve the pills I bought to last me until I could get out of the house..

I was on msn, talking to a friend of mine.. He told me if I gave him 65 dollars he could get me a gram of coke.. I didn't wanna pass that up, so I told him I'd take it.. and to meet me at 6:00 at a certain place..
I then had close to 300 to spend on pills..

I made some phone calls, and set some stuff up for 6.. I was going to have to do a lot of running around in a short amount of time..

Dad got home at 5.. he had already went to the bank and got around 500 dollars out..

Mom and dad called me into the kitchen and gave me the money... Get there, get back and when you do get back we're going to check your clothes..

"It's OK, I'm just paying my debts.. I'm never doing drugs again in my life"
"How long will it take you?" About 30 minutes, it's at least a 15 minute walk away."

When I left, I walked the opposite way of Marcus' house.. I didn't want them to even have a clue where I was going.. that would ruin my chances of getting drugs again..

I walked maybe 5 minutes from home, met the guys with the coke and gave him the money.. I told him to hold onto it for me, and I'd pick it up later...

Then I met another kid I knew, and I bought 20 8mg pills for 100 dollars..
That's all this kid could get..

I went and met another guy I knew, and bought 5 24mg pills for 75 dollars..
That was also all he could get for a while.. He was stealing them from his uncle, and he didn't wanna take too many..

Then I went to see Marcus... I paid him the money I owed him from the morning... and then figured out what I could buy..  I ended up getting 10 4mg pills and 3 or 4 30mg capsules..

I hid half the pills in a hollowed out part of my shoe, and shoved the other half in the crotch of my boxers..

Then I walked home... When I got there, my dad was in the kitchen.. mom was upstairs...
"Do you wanna check me?" I said.. "Get your mother too upstairs.." Dad said..

When I walked up stairs, I threw the bag of pills under the chair cushion in the front room.. then mom checked my clothes..

"Please tell me this is over" she said... I lied and said "It's over mom"

When in reality this was pretty much the start... this is when I got worse and worse.. when I stopped caring who I hurt, and what I did..

I remember I had close to 40 pills.. I went downstairs, talked to dad for a while, and lied to him about how I was going to stay clean and how this was it.. I believed that it was the last time I would get in trouble, but I knew it wasn't the last time I'd do any drugs..

I stayed around them the whole night, so they wouldn't think I was sneaking off to go use..

When they went to bed, I pretended I was going to bed too... I laid in bed for at least an hour, until I knew for sure they were asleep.. I snuck down the stairs as quietly as I could, I grabbed the stash of pills, and took 4 8's out of it.. I put it back where it was, only further into the couch..

I snorted the pills right at the computer, off of a plate.. I made some pizza pockets, and put them on the plate after I did my pill... My plan was to set them on top of the pills if anyone came downstairs..
After I did them, I went on-line, and was talking to my friends... I had a million questions being thrown at me.. so I ignored most of the people.. I just talked to one person, and told them the truth.. it was another person who was using drugs.. and we talked about drugs all the time.. It was the only person I could be honest with..

While we were talking... I realized maybe I was taking this too far? .. Where did I want to be 5 years from now?.. I thought about it.. and decided I would give detox another chance..

The next morning when I woke up, it was the day my suspension was over.. I was talking to mom about this, and that's when she told me they were thinking of expelling me..
I didn't actually go to the school, but I caused the school to be locked down.. so they were meeting to discus this.. The conclusion they came to was I would be expelled for the rest of the year..

In the news papers they compared me to another kid at the school who wrote a hit list and brought a knife to school.. I felt like I was being compared to the columbine shooters.. I didn't do anything that bad.. and getting expelled really made me angry.. I still liked going to school, and I felt like I was being treated UN-fairly.
I figured since I didn't go to the school, I shouldn't have had any consequences from the school.. I was really mad about this.. because now I would have to do my courses at home..
This ended up in me not bothering with the courses, and planning on doing me G.E.D.. Then I got a job and didn't care about going back for grade 12..

This was a major turning point in my life.. it gave me wayyy too much free time then I already had, and my drug habit grew.. but that's for another post.

I woke up, and mom made some phone calls to get me back into the detox...