Lips are turning blue..

So, I had a lot of drugs built up..

I can't even remember how many I had... but I know I had 5 or 6 baggies full of different pills..

25 Valium in one, 25 xanax in another.. a bag full of dilaudid 8's, one of Dexedrine beads, and one with Oxycontin in it..

To me, this was like Christmas...
I had everything I needed. I was happy, content, and felt like I could relax for a while..
I still had quite a bit of money.. and was searching for drugs.. but not like I was before, I was pretty relaxed about it.. because I knew I didn't have to worry about it..

It was a Friday.. I was on the computer after school.. when a guy I know messaged me..
He told me he had 60mg morphine pills and he was selling them for 4 bucks a piece.. I bought every one he had..

I ended up getting over 50 of them.. And as soon as I had them I started crushing them..
I remember having peach stains all over my shirt.. because I would put them in my mouth, then wipe the coating off on it..

I was taking 4 at a time.. which is A LOT.. Way too much for me at the time, even with my tolerance..
I remember I woke up on Sunday, and I took at least 10 Valium and probably the same amount of xanax..
Now, if I just took these, I would have been fine.. But being an opiate addict.. I wanted to get really high, and not be sick..

I wasn't sick this morning when I woke up.. I had so many different drugs in my system that I was fine when I woke up..
But I knew taking benzo's before using opiates would get me higher.. The problem with this.. is it's a deadly combination. Most overdoses are caused from mixing these two substances.. or any downer with another downer.. You can stop breathing from respiratory depression... You end up running out of oxygen..

When you have a lack of oxygen, your lips start to turn blue.. followed by the rest of your skin..

So the pills were starting to kick in... I was feeling dizzy, and care free.. I thought this would be a good time to get high..
I went upstairs, and grabbed a few pills from my stash..
I took 2 dilaudid 8's and 4 or 5 morphine..
I crushed them all up, and made at least 10 lines.. I snorted them all, then washed my face..

I came back downstairs, and then laid on the floor watching TV.. with my head on the couch..
I remember feeling really good, then I sort of blacked out..

My parents were shaking me, and trying to get me up.. They asked me what I took, and I felt like I was fine.. I told them nothing, but I was slurring my words, and my lips were turning blue..
They were getting scared.. and wanted to take me to the hospital..

I argued and yelled because I was so out of my mind.. I was getting mad at their accusations.. Like I was the victim.. They offended me.. and if I could play it off, I could win this argument..
But I was slipping in an out of reality.. I was nodding off, and having a hard time catching my breath.

My mom started looking through my room... I had my drugs hidden everywhere.. Every bag was hidden in a different place.. She tore everything apart.. and didn't find anything at first.. I was laying on the bed.. and she was saying she was going to take me to the hospital.. I didn't want to go... I was fine, Fuck this... I told them I was going to leave.. I was in my bedroom, and mom was looking through my clothes that were folded up and sitting on my chair..
At the bottom of the pile, sitting in a shirt pocket.. were the baggies of xanax and valium..
Mom was scared... "How many of these did you take?" she said..
"Only a couple... I'm fine"

She was talking to dad, and they were trying to convince me to go to the hospital.. I was getting madder and madder.. and I wasn't making any sense from what I was told.. I was slurring and passing out during our conversation.. I wouldn't leave with them.. So they did the only thing a responsible parent could do..
They called an ambulance..

I was so mad.. but I didn't really know what was going on... I knew she found some of my drugs.. but as long as she didn't find my opiates.. everything would be OK.

The ambulance got there.. and they were asking me to come with them.. I argued and fought and I was so angry with everyone.. Then the police came in..

Living in a small town, you get to know all of the officers pretty well. They're all good people, and I feel bad for the bullshit I put them through.. But on this day, No one could talk me into leaving..

It was sometime in late November.. before Christmas..
My mom had boxes of decorations in the front hallway.. I remember standing there, and one of the police officers, whom I know quite well came in.. and said " Neil, You need to come with us to the hospital.. You can either do this the easy way.. or do this the hard way"

I started walking towards him, and suddenly kicked boxes of decorations.. Christmas bulbs were flying and breaking everywhere..
So obviously the rest of the story is pretty straight forward.. I was handcuffed, and taken into the ambulance.. I was first taken to the hospital in town.. They were making phone calls, and asking me what I took.
They wanted me to give them a urine sample but I refused.. I remember I was getting tired.. I was sitting in the examination room.. and I wanted to take a nap. I remember going to sleep..

As soon as I woke up, they wanted me to go to the I.W.K.. After some more arguing, I had to go.. in handcuffs, in the back of an ambulance..

-End.

I'm very sorry to my family... Thinking back on this, I know how scared you must have been.. I'm not a violent person, but drugs consume you and change the way you think. It scares me to think I could act like this.. it really does..
I wish I could take it all back.. but I can't.. But I want you to know how sorry I am... I'm just glad I've got a chance to prove to you how great of a person I truly am.. Sorry..