Too many close calls...

it's been about 3 days..
I tried Opana maybe 4 times after that day.. Only half a pill at a time.

The weird thing was, I could take huge amounts of other drugs.. but there was something about this drug.. it was really strong..
It was early in the week... everyone was at work, or at school..
I started the day off by taking 2 xanax bars.. and washed them down with a coffee..

As soon as it started kicking in, I grabbed a plate, a spoon, and got my baggy out..
I took out a 32mg palladone, and 2 opana.. I was a little inebriated from the xanax, so I got a little careless..
I snorted the 32mg palladone, then went to work on the opana... At first, I was only going to take one 40 mg pill... but I figured with my tolerance, 1 and a half wouldn't hurt me..

I snorted them and then went to my room to play some video games..
I remember lighting a smoke and taking a few puffs..
Then my eyes started to get heavy.. I was drifting off to sleep, when I felt something burning on my finger... The smoke I was smoking came to rest on my ring finger on my left hand..

The weird thing is, I've burnt this finger before, but never like this.. It was bubbling up and had ashes burnt into it.. I instantly jumped up and ran to the bathroom.. I ran cold water over the burn for at least 10 minutes... Even with the opiates in my system, I could feel the pain welling up... I was swearing, screaming and yelling..

I tried to dry it off with a towel but I couldn't touch it.. I didn't know what to do, so I went downstairs above my sink... We had a make-shift first-aid kit/medicine cabinet in the small cupboard above it. I pulled a chair up, and started looking... I found Flamazine, which is used for burns.. and I also found some bandages and clear tape... I put the flamazine on, and wrapped my burn up with the bandages..

It still hurt, but it was OK for now... Even to this day I have a huge scar on my finger to remind me of how dumb I was.. But sometimes lessons take a little longer to learn for others..

I lit another smoke, and tried to play some call of duty.. and of course, I started nodding off again.. I burnt at least 2 holes in my shirt, and a few in the sheets.. I took my smokes and put them downstairs.. I figured I didn't wanna burn the house down..

I put the blue-tooth Mic in my ear, and tried playing a few games... I couldn't keep my eyes open though, so this was useless... it must have been around  9:30am.. and I had the whole day ahead of me. I was supposed to go see my drug councilor at 12:30, so I needed to stay away... I made another coffee, and watched some TV.. I woke up again to boiling hot coffee spilled on my chest.. I made a huge mess, and my chest was red from the coffee... I just couldn't keep my head up. It was pathetic, and I've seen it before in other people.

I just thought I never looked half as bad as that... but it turns out I did...

I cleaned it up, then went to get a bath... I started to fill it up and got in..
It was getting pretty full, and I shut it off... The next thing I remember is waking up with my mouth under water... the water was really cold, so I knew I had been in it for a while..

I got out and dried myself off, I looked in the mirror and my lips were darker.. they were starting to turn bluish gray..  I was getting a little worried, but in my drugged out euphoric state, I didn't do anything about it.
I came downstairs and took my 2 puffers to help me breath.. It was getting harder with each breath. It felt like there was a ton of weight sitting on my chest.. pushing all of the air out, and making it hard to draw a breath in..

It was almost 12:30, and I thought about going to my meeting, but I figured that was a waste of time.
I went on the computer, and started talking to a few people I knew.. A good friend of mine at the time was on there, and we were arguing a little bit.. He said he saw me walk to a dealers house or something along those lines.. I started arguing with him, even though I knew he was right..

We were friends for a long time.. and he was worried about me, and concerned. He wanted the best for me, but I didn't want to hear any of it. I remember getting so mad at him, and I started talking down to him, Telling him where to go and to stay out of my business. I remember I challenged him to fight me, he just said I was acting like an idiot, and stopped talking to me. I felt dumb, but I had my own life built up in my head.. everything was ok, and I wasn't going to let anything or anyone get in the way of that..

We don't talk anymore, but it wasn't because of that... we were still friends after that, but we grew apart. It's sad to think of, I drove a lot of good friends and nice people out of my life due to my drug abuse.. I didn't care about anyone but myself..

I woke up 3 hours later with my head on the keyboard.. I had passed out and fell asleep at the computer desk.. when I woke up I took a deep breath, and got dizzy.. It must have been due to the lack of oxygen in my system... I was getting pretty nervous at this point, but the drugs were wearing off... I took a 5mg amphetamine pill, and started to wake up...

My brothers got home from school, and it just started all over again.. I didn't use for the rest of the day, but I did the next morning... just not as much..

-Neil