New job, new blues..

I was 17, and I started working for this other guy, who was about 60 years old.. We'd do carpentry work and get high together. We were friends at the time, and would look out for one another.

I was sick one day and he came over and brought me an oxycontin 40mg pill.. I snorted it, and it took the sickness away. We always hunted for drugs...

Anyway, I was working for him at one house, doing some basic stuff around this person home... He had a key, and everything and I was trying to control my addiction again, trying to skip a day here or there and only use once in a day.. no more than that..

Everyday we worked together, we would get a big pill and split it.. then get to work. Or we would take a couple of xanax while we were working (Some I was prescribed, Some we would buy off of two other people)
It made us work faster and joke around a little more. It was scary..

One day, he found a bottle of benzo's at a place we were working at... Before this, he gave me 4 ativan.. he was prescribed them sometimes, so I didn't think anything off it..
Well it turns out, he stole about 40 or 50 of them and went home.

I got a call from him later saying "You can come to work there anymore.. her pills went missing and she thinks it was you"... What The F#&% man? I said... "You know it wasn't me, I didn't take a fucking thing... What did she say?"
"She thinks it was you, and doesn't want you in her house anymore" ..
This BUGGED me, because I KNEW it was him... He could have at least paid me what I was going to make the rest of the job for taking the blame, but he didn't.. He told her I was the one who did it, and I got thrown out of a great job which I loved doing.

I called him pretty bad, and we weren't talking for a little while, finally we did when I called and said I needed to get paid my money...
It was only about 200 dollars... but I told him I wanted it because I was going to detox tomorrow and I NEEDED it that night... he was supposed to pay me before this... but failed to. Amway, he told me to call the girl "The one who thought I stole her pills" In order to get paid.... Craving my drugs, I ended up calling her and said "Old George said that you would pay me my hours there... and I want you to know, I have no idea what happened to your pills"... "I think you do" she said or something along those lines... "Meet me at the bank at 8:30" Thanks, ... Bye"

I signed up for detox, I didn't want to get back into drugs... I wanted a good life at this point...
So I signed up for a 10 day stay at a local detox in our area. I met this woman outside of the bank, she asked me how many hours I worked, I told her 18.. I was getting paid 10.50 an hour at the time, she ended up paying me 200 dollars and left... I told her I was sorry she thought it was me, but I really have no idea what happened to them" she kept walking to her car and thanked me for working for her..

I think she thought I was a horrible thief at the time, I felt ashamed and embarrassed even though I DIDN'T even take 1 of them..

I bought pills with my pay... I bought 30 morphine 30's for 30 dollars... which was a great price at the time.
I bought 2  30Mg hydromorphone contin capsules (for 75 dollars)
I then bought 2 8's off of Marcus' for 20 dollars, he gave me a deal.
Then I bought 4mg pills off of an old lady I knew for 2 dollars a piece.. not sure how many but at least 30..
Then I went to my own pill bottle and got 10 xanax and 4 Valium 10's... 

I was at home, the night before going to detox... I took 4 Valium and waited about 20 minutes for them to kick in... I then snorted 10 4mg dilaudid's  and 4 30mg morphine pills...
I sat and thought about my life.. and where it was going..

I was a junkie... a piece of shit... I didn't care anymore.. fuck it, fuck life.. 

I'm gonna get high with the rest of my pills at detox... and I'm going to take the programs, and be serious about it.. and not get kicked out this time.

I passed out after chatting to some girls on the phone... embarrassed myself with one of them, told her I loved her ( Even though she wasn't the girl I had a crush on, we were just friends) and she told me the same thing "we're just friends" ... I didn't find out till the next day... so I told her the truth, I was messed up on drugs when I said that... I have a crush on someone else.. and I would never ruin our friendship like that, I'm sorry... She forgave me, and we moved on..

After I woke up, I got a shower... I got all packed up for detox.. and packed my crotch with a few things.. I didn't bring them all, but I did bring a lot of stuff.

Right before I left, I snorted a LOT of drugs again, and I brought enough with me to only get high the first two days out of 10 that I was there..

There were no treats packed this visit like the rest of them... my parents were fed up, and it sucked to think about.. But we left, I brought my guitar this time.. and we were on our way... as SOON as I sat down in the nurses office, I started to get high.. she asked what drugs I was taking... I told her, and gave my urine sample like always.. they checked my stuff, and sent me to my room..

I met all of the guys, they seemed great.. I met all of the girls, they were nice too.. It was a good group this time, and I was actually looking forward to taking the program and finishing it..

While I was there, I was playing guitar.. a few of the clients listened to me and sung along, it was great.. I felt like maybe I didn't need drugs anymore.. maybe this was it?

I woke up the next day, and told them I was in pain so I was going to get a hot bath... I went in there, and took 2 xanax 1mg pills, and started the tub... I crushed up a 30 mg dilaudid capsule and 2 30mg morphine capsules... I poured them out onto a magazine and I set it in the window frame... I got a qucik bath, and dried myself off... Then I got dressed... as soon as I was done, I sprayed cleaner in the tub, and scrubbed it out with hot water... I put the tools back, and left the hot water running... and I snorted the 6 lines I made up, and went to breakfast..

I ate what they had there, well some of it, poridge and toast I think..

I drank a coffee, and sat in the tv room, staring to feel really high..  I only had 2 more xannax, 1 30 mg dilaudid and 2 morphine 60's left... I told myself I would do them the next day, then focus on getting better...

We went to a program that day, and I talked and talked.. but I put on a show like I wasn't feeling good (so they wouldn't know I was high) Although they probably knew anyway, or had some idea.
I went to lunch, ate some, and got an ensure.. then I played some guitar and wrote some.. a few short stories about myself  ( I wish I still had them, because I would post them after scanning them)

The next day came, but I took my two xanax to help me sleep that night, the nurse wouldn't give me a sleeping pill even though I was up all night... so maybe she knew I was using drugs... I rolled around for one and a half hours before taking the xanax.. 20 minutes after the xanax was taken, I slept like a baby..

I woke up the next morning, got a bath... and did the exact same routine.. only without the xanax.. I snorted the 30mg dilaudid first, then the 2 morphine 30's...
I felt great again at breakfast, the rush, the high... but I felt guilty.. I was putting on a show.. I was glad I had no drugs left with me... so that morning, after breakfast when they gave me my medication.. I didn't throw it up..

But, after 30 minutes of it being in my system, I thew up... I had too much in my body at once... I threw up a couple of times after that, but they wouldn't give me a gravol... it finally passed.. and I took my medication that night..

Over the next 8 days... I would take my medication like I was supposed to... I couldn't eat anymore.. and I was feeling withdrawal symptoms again.. but they were manageable..
I needed a smoke so bad though.... one guy that was there said he snuck in some chewing tobacco, but didn't like it..

I gave him 10 dollars in quarters for the phone for it.. and I was chewing tobacco all the time... Which I think detox patients should be allowed to do anyway, because no second hand smoke is emitted from it.. It's hard enough quiting your drug in detox let alone quiting smoking too. A lot of people leave just because they can't stand not having a smoke...

I find that a flaw in the detox system, and I think they would have people staying a lot longer if they were allowed to smoke. Even taken for walks off the hospital property 5 times a day to have a smoke.. it would help them out A LOT.

I ended up finishing the program, they wanted me to stay for 1 more day after the medication was done, but I wanted to leave... I called a Woman I knew, who was dating the old George guy I was working for..

She picked me up, and gave me a smoke, then drove me home... I came home.. and I thought I was doing pretty good... I lasted maybe, 3 days? Old George called me up and said "Hey, I've got some candy, wanna come over?"

My answer was..

-Neil.

I'm going to be writing daily again... I'm focusing on my blog like I used to... I've just been answering so many questions, and i'm so busy in my life, so it's hard to write everyday... but I'm writing at least 1 blog EVERY day from now on.

Thanks for reading guys! If you wanna contact me, my email is neilcalder1@gmail.com ... or comment on any of my posts with questions, comments or concerns.

Thanks for reading... Thanks for sharing..