Part 5 -Also my 100th post-

Sorry I haven't been posting as much as normal.. I just started working back-shifts, and I just sleep when I get home.. I've got a few days off, and although i'm busy preparing for tomorrow, i've got to get back to my blog. I miss it, and actually get cravings to write more.. So here it goes..

.. I couldn't believe the way it made me feel..
I couldn't imagine that anything could change the world and everything you saw in it.. I instantly wanted this feeling again... and for the rest of my natural born life...


I still remember I was sitting in a rocking chair..
My eyes closed... head sunk down into a chair.. and once the drug flew through my system... I could understand how there was drug addicts who used needles... if you try it once.. you don't think about anything else.. That's why prevention is the best deterrent for drug addiction... Education and examples work better than any detox or program ever will... Preventing it from even starting is the main part we need to focus on.. 

It's hard to describe..
But it INSTANTLY makes you feel like everything was OK, and you were doing well.. life was good.
I'll give a quick example... I was living in the slums of Dartmouth and hanging around Halifax (this is WAY ahead of this story)

I was on the ferry from Halifax that crosses over to Dartmouth..  I was sitting at the top of it, in a remote section.. I injected... put the cap of the needle back on, and sat there with my head between my knees... half asleep.. feeling this warmth travel through my body.. 
I threw my needle over the side of the boat.. and as soon as I did, I heard people yelling..

"He just through a needle overboard!" .. I can't remember what I said at first.. I was in a daze... I think I said "It wasn't my needle, I just saw it in the chair next to me so I threw it away from me"
Some girl said something about using a garbage can.. Then to tell the captain to call the police..
I went to the middle deck.. right by the doors.. and waited for them to open... once they did I just kept walking home fast..... yes, life was good I was thinking... it's a beautiful day outside.. Nothing can stop me...

The sad part is I was now a junkie... I had just stolen 500 dollars worth of groceries to get my fix for the day, and I still thought my life was going well... it tricks you; pulls a Vail over your eyes.. and you can't see the truth..
... Anyway, once I came to.. I said "That was the best feeling I've ever felt... Better than the first time I had sex"
And that's almost what it's like... like a full body orgasm, only more intense.. it's warm.. cozy.. and wraps you in euphoria and a pleasure blanket.. with your blinders to reality on..

I went into his bedroom, and talked to his girlfriend, watched some movies.. and I thought my life was prefect right now... little did I know it was about to crash into a million little pieces..

We used like that a few more times... It was amazing.. We would inject 4-5 times a day.. I thought this was perfect... This was the life I wanted to live now-Crazy way of thinking.. but that's addiction-

So I was walking down town to get a pack of smokes after injecting..
A police car drove past me.. and kept going... I was sure they knew nothing...
Until it turned back around, and came up the other side of the street... they stopped right in front of me..
"Fuckkk" I thought... They rolled the window down...

"Neil, Why don't you come over here for a second... I walked over...
They said "Why don't you get in, and we can have a chat?" ... I acted like I knew nothing....
"Talk about what?" "I think you know... Now we can do this the easy way, or the hard way..." .. I'll walk down there" I said... And I did..

The police station wasn't very far from where I was.. but my heart was beating pretty fast..

As I walked down.. I didn't know what to think... They didn't know anything.. There's No way they could have.. not now anyway... unlessssss..

I got there, and rang the buzzer... They let me in..
They asked me a bunch of questions... they KNEW exactly why I did... They knew EXACTLY what day it was.. and I knew how they knew all of this.. but that doesn't matter anymore. I'm glad I got caught for this. 

I still denied, denied, denied... I said, "I was never in there.. and there's no proof of me being in there, because I wasn't.."
"Well Neil, we've been talking to some people, We  also found blood on the floor and on a filing cabine twhere you tried to break it open with a knife,but the knife broke and you got cut... show me your hands and forearms"
" I don't need to.. I didn't do anything wrong.. and unless you're going to charge me... I'd like to leave"

Well, if you had nothing to hide, you would show us what's under your sleeves to prove yourself..

I rolled up my sleeves.. and showed her... I had a cut.... "Whats that from" she said... " When I was sledding, I went into the woods and scratched it when I put my hands up to block myself from getting hurt"

"Neil, just admit it"... "I didn't do anything"... "Well, we have enough to make you get a D.N.A order.. so the blood on the floor won't have your D.N.A in it Neil? "If you just cooperate you'll get less time.. if we have to go through all the work of getting your d.n.a tested, and everything... you'll end up getting prison time"

I was scared... I finally said "OK, I did it.. I did it by myself on Christmas ever night and that's all I have to say... so take me to jail"

"Where are the computers Neil?" I don't know... I met some guy from Toronto who was down... I sold them to him... I don't know his name" ..

"Now, I know that's a lie Neil.. and so do you... so just tell me where they are, and maybe you can get a mischief charge"

"I don't know.. I told you the truth, I was on a whole bottle of ativan and drinking at the same time Sorry, I just don't remember his name... Now can I go to the county?"


That night sucked... I had to sleep in the local police cells... I smoked a few smokes.. and passed out..
I woke up, and went to court... I plead guilty, and they held sentencing off until I could get some stuff ready with my lawyer regarding my sentence..
I went back to the holding cells for a while, waiting to get picked up... I looked through my coat again, just for shits... because I was getting really sick...

And low and behold I found 4 8's...

I asked the sheriffs at the desk about 40 feet away from me  for a magazine, a pencil and piece of paper.. They handed them to me...
I crushed the pills with the side of the pencil.. but some of the yellow came off onto the pills... So I just used my glasses... I crushed pills with the lenses from my glasses... In the same courthouse cell I used drugs in the other time I got arrested....

I snorted them... and I wasn't sick anymore..

I went back to the Amherst jail for 3 more nights... I went to court, and I was sentenced to 90 days of  weekends...  and 2 years of probation with strict curfew and restrictions... Which was actually an easy sentence considering what I did... and the "hard" attitude I had when I was first arrested.. I was also ordered to pay them 500 dollars..

I remember they had taken me to the doctors while I was there.. the doctor gave me Tylenol 3's and Valium to help with the withdrawals...
I asked them if I could keep them because I was on my way out the door... He said no.. but I could take 2 Valium and 2 30mg codeine pills since it was close to pill time..

I took them, and called a guy I knew to pick me up... I instantly asked him to take me to the guys place I was injecting with,...

When we got there, I asked the guy driving me if he'd lend me 20 bucks, because I was sick..
He said he didn't have it... but he came inside with me...
I asked the guy if he had anything... I told him I was sick, and I NEEDED something, and since I gave him a lot of pills the few nights before that he should hook me up...
He told me he was broke too... I was mad.. I thought he was lying..

..Then he said "Well I have this computer to sell... If I sell it I'll buy us each a pill"
The guy who drove me said "how much do you want for it?" "40 bucks"
"Deal... Here's your money"
He took the computer and left... and as soon as my drive left... so did buddy to go buy us each a pill...

He was back in 10 minutes.. but the wait felt a lot longer than that..
I was in his bathroom with diarrhea and I was gagging... trying not to throw up... Withdrawal was starting to set in hard... I needed this... I was super excited to feel it again..

When he got back, I already had my needle, spoon, and cotton ready.. and the stove was on...
I also had the plates out...

He had a 30 mg capsule, and poured half out onto my plate... I crushed it up... cooked it, and sucked it up..
Then I asked him to hit me...

I tied off, and he stick the needle in, and already had it in me before I could get a word out...
I took the tie off... and not even 5 seconds after that I felt it... The amazing rush... the thing i've been craving like crazy for..

My stomach tightened up, so did my bowels, and everything relaxed.. and my bones didn't hurt anymore... I felt on top of the world..

I had to place to go... so I went to a friends house I knew.. and they said I could stay there..
I helped them clean up, they had a big mess from their new years party a day or 2 before...
I told them I'd be right back... and I went to my parents house... And they told me I could stay there again.. but I had to be drug free... I told them I was... and surprisingly, they agreed that I looked sober..

I told them "I can't believe my life got this out of control, I'll never take them again in my life"
They believed me.... or wanted to believe me... so they let me stay...
But that didn't last long at all... and I'll get more into this..

This story gets A LOT worse before it gets any better... so be prepared.

-Neil