Part 4..

{Well my article is in the chronicle herald now..

I'm really happy with the outcome and the hits I'm getting to my blog.. I've only gotten 2 emails since it came out.. One was great.. The other... Not so much.

With everything I've done, I expect it, and it really doesn't bother me..
I'm proud of everything I've done, and everything I've accomplished. I changed my life for the better.. And that's about the only thing I could have done to actually have a life..

Thanks to everyone who's supported me, and helped me promote my blog.. I appreciate it more than you know. }




.. I got home, and went to bed..

I woke up in the morning, and was trying to remember the night before..
Mixing drugs like that really effects your memory, and you black out a lot..
I thought maybe this was all a bad dream... I couldn't have done that last night.. there was no way..

But after a quick search through my pockets.. I realized it was all to real.. and there was nothing I could do..
I panicked.. I felt scared.. What was I going to do?

I went downstairs... we opened presents, and didn't talk about the night before..
I left early, and didn't go home for quite some time..

I left and bought some drugs.. It was hard to find someone to sell to me on Christmas morning.. but there's always people wanting to make money..
I went back to the apartment complex where I had a spoon and a plate..

I crushed up the pills and inhaled through my nose... I sat on a chair that was in the lobby..
I didn't know what to think.. or what to do.. I was stressed, and full of anxiety.. how could I have done that? would I get caught? would I go to jail?

I bought 10 Valium while I bought the dilaudids... And I took everyone of them with a drink from the tap..
I sat in that chair for over an hour... smoking cigarette after cigarette .. thinking of what I had become..

Once the Valium kicked in... I didn't care anymore..
They do something to you.. it's like drinking a lot of alcohol, your inhibitions seem to melt away, and you really don't care what's going on around you.. you're just numb.

.. What was I going to do?

Being an addict, the only viable option was drugs..
So I sat and thought about how I could make more money, and buy more drugs..
I don't remember when I actually decided to go back.. but I did..

I snuck back in, and took whatever I thought I could make money off off.. computers, and monitors.. stuff like that.. I took it to a guy I knew, and sold them to him.. Then I went to Marcus and bought some more pills..

I had one small computer left.. and I asked Marcus if he wanted it.. he told me to plug it in, and I did.. but it didn't work at the time.. he told me he didn't want it.. he only wanted cash.. but while I was there, there was another addict from town that I knew..
"I'll give you 20 dollars for it" he said... "Sure"

So I bought my drugs... I bought a lot... I can't remember how many exactly, but it was enough for a few days of constantly using..
While I was there.. the guy I just sold the computer to -Chad- Asked me if I wanted to come over..

Not really having another place to go.. I decided it would be a good idea..
We walked to his house together.. and went in.
I didn't know him very well.. I had only seen him once or twice while I was buying..
I knew he injected though, so I was a little skeptical of going over at first... but I couldn't very well go home..

We sat at his house using.. he injected... I snorted.. and we both passed out..

I woke up the next day.. and he was already getting ready to cook up another pill... I still had quite a few pills.. but I knew they wouldn't last... So he asked me... "You wanna try injecting?"

.. I was nervous..  but a little excited..

Eventually I decided I would.. I asked him if he had a clean needle..

He looked around, and finally found one..

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a 30 mg pill..

He crushed it up, and grabbed a spoon from the drawer.. I poured the fine powder into the spoon, and took my needle and sucked up 2 syringe fulls of water..
He squirted it into the spoon, then sat it on the stove..

I watched it start to bubble up a little, as he mixed it with the back of the syringe..
He took it off the burner, and chucked a piece of cigarette filter in the mix...
He took my needle, and sucked up over half of the syringe full of the lightly grainy colored mixture..

He held it up, and flicked it a few time...

While he was doing this.. I washed my arm and used an alcohol wipe on it..
I wanted to be careful.. Which seems sort of irrelevant in a situation like this.. but I didn't want to get an infection or virus..

I used a string from my hoody to tie my arm off with.. and squeezed my fist a few times...
I was really skinny, and my veins looked huge... he asked me if I was ready... I took a few deep breaths to stop myself from shaking.. and said yes..

He poked it in... it hurt for a second, and then it was over..
I took off the tie...

I no sooner got "Is that it?" Out of my mouth when I felt it..

It hit me like a freight train..
And my entire world changed..