Back home..

Before I stayed the night there, I decided to call my parents..

They asked me if I would come down and talk to them...
No matter what I did, or how much I hurt them... They still loved me. I was their son, They were there for me..
But they didn't want to see me with no place to go..

As soon as I went there, they were at the door hugging me... I had just done something horrible, yet they loved me.. They cared about me, and they wanted me back home.
They hoped and prayed that this would wake me up.. That maybe I would get it this time..

After an hour long talk in the kitchen, they told me I could come back home.. I had to stay sober, but as long as I did that, I didn't have to do anything else.. Just stay clean, and I was welcome there..

Now after everything that happened, you'd think this would be easy... but after I woke up the next morning.. The cravings started.. and there was no stopping them..

I woke up, and the first thing I thought of was getting high.. I couldn't think of anything else. I was consumed..
I looked everywhere for money, and I couldn't come up with anymore than 10 dollars.. I didn't know what I was going to do..

I was speaking with a guy I knew, and they told me that a guy we knew was looking for meat, and cleaners of all things..
And he was trading pills for them..


Wow, I thought... I know how to get a pill today..

I went to the deep freeze in my basement... We always had a lot of meat.. my parents would go to the meat market and pick a lot of things up at once.. So I knew I could take some stuff without them noticing..
I grabbed a few bags full... Then went to the cleaning cupboard..
I took a bunch of cleaners we had two of, or didn't use much..
Some of them weren't full... So, being an addict, I did what I thought was a "smart" idea.. I filled them to the top with water.. "They would never know" I told myself..

I took the long walk, in the winter.. with my bags in hand, I finally made it to the guys house, and made a trade.
He gave me some pills, and I went to go use with the guy I started injecting with....

His house wasn't too far from where I was... Maybe a 10 minute walk... but I could barely make it..
I was gagging, and coughing.. My stomach was twisting and turning.. I don't know why.. but when I would score, I would almost instantly go into some sort of withdrawal.. The cravings were that powerful..

As soon as the pills would be in my hand, I would feel sick, and gag..
I would also get excited.. I felt like I won the lottery every single time.. The emotions it evoked were powerful, and impacted everything in my life..

He wasn't there.. His girlfriend let me in... and told me he would be back soon..
Waiting for him was like waiting for a dentist to pulling a tooth... you dreaded it.. and it honestly took forever.
It took him maybe 30 minutes to get home.. but it felt like a week..

He finally got there, and as soon as he saw me he knew what I wanted.. he said hey, and went stright to grab our tools.. It only took him a minute to get ready.. and I had my sleeve pulled up..
As soon as it hit me.. it was instant relief.. No more searching, no more craving.. You take the tie off.. and within a few seconds, it hits you in the chest like a hammer.. Without the pain, it's so powerful, and such an extreme feeling, that once you're addicted you're willing to do almost anything..

This happened for the next few days.. but I ran into a problem.. it was Friday, and I had to go to jail from Friday at 8 to Monday at 8am..

I couldn't go this long without a fix.. or I would be extremely sick by the second day..
With this new challenge, came new solutions... It didn't seem like anything would stand in my way of using drugs... I just needed to be a little more creative...