Another day at work..

I called him and told him I'd be 30 minutes late... the problem was, he was the one picking me up..
I made some sort of stupid excuse..

The night before, my dealer was out.. I couldn't get anything.. and I was sick..
I could go to Marcus, but not until 8ish.. so I had to delay it as much as I could..

I finally got my pills, and went back home. I called him, and told him to come get me.. he did, and while I was waiting for him to come, I snorted a 24mg pill... I crushed the other one, and put it in my key-chain holder.

He picked me up.. and I remember him saying "Are you feeling OK now?" and I was thinking to myself.. does he know? .. I said I'm fine, I just couldn't miss an appointment, or whatever I said.

I was starting to get high, but I was worried... did he know? did he know I was a drug addict? I thought I had it hid..

Anyway, once the high kicks in you wanna talk, so talk I did... we talked about everything, work that day, Corb Lund, his favorite CD at the time.. We pulled into where he was living at the time. we had to hook the trailer up.
I've done this MANY times, and I knew how to do it..

I hooked it up, plugged the wires in for the lights.. but forgot to clamp it down... which is the most important part.. I put the chains on, which luckily saved it from getting ruined..

We pulled out, and got to the end of the driveway... as soon as he stopped, the trailer came un-done..
well it gave us quite a scare, and we got out...

"What the hell did you do back here" .. I hooked it up?" I said.. Did I do something wrong?" ... "Obviously.. you missed something"

I instantly knew what I did wrong.. anyway, we lifted it back up onto the trailer hitch, connected it right, then went on our way...

I knew I messed up because I was high.... I've never messed up before, and I'm sure it wasn't just a brain fart.. I promised myself I wouldn't use at work anymore.. this was a disaster, and it was only the first part of the morning..

We got back on the road, I told him I was sorry I missed that... and he said "it's OK man, it was just a mistake, not a big deal, just be more careful next time"

We worked the rest of the day... but he kept looking at me funny... I don't know for sure if he knew at this point or not..

We finished that working day, and everything was OK.

He came out that same night to the shed to drop off my pay, and when I came out.. he asked me again "What's wrong with you man?" I told him I just take a couple Valium when I smoke weed because I get so paranoid when I smoke it I can't enjoy it... 2 or 3 Valium takes that away" Which was a complete lie..

He gave me my pay, and was on his way... mad at me I think... well disappointed anyway..

So, this is maybe 10-15 jobs down the road after he stopped by to pay me at the shed.
... I was getting pretty messed up, using a little at work here and there, and stuff.. but this day, I was sick...
I was working my ass off, trying to get the day done so I could get home and get paid and score drugs..

We were at a nice older womens house.. she made us lunch, and snacks, and she was so nice to me.
I had to use the bathroom, so I went up stairs and entered the bathroom. when I was finished I washed my hands.. and my face.. I looked in the mirror, and noticed it was a medicine cabinet..
I was 17 years old... rooting through someones medicine cabinet. I looked in as soon as I opened it.. and I knew what I found..

Expired bottles of opiates... they were all prescribed over a year ago, and on the bottom shelf.. all the active prescriptions were on the top two shelves..

I found hydromorphone contin 12mg pills, 2mg dilaudids and 10mg percodan...
I could tell they hadn't been used in a long time, so I took some of them.

I took 15 12's out of the bottle.. which hardly put a dent in it.. I took 15 2mg's out of the 45 that were in there and I took 12  percodan. There was probably 30 in there.

I was tempted to take them all, but I knew if they found out, I would go to jail..

This was a VERY stupid and desperate thing to do.. I was sick... and when you're sick, nothing else matters..
This could have cost my boss MANY contracts and credibility.. Not to mention I could have went to juvie for doing this..

Anyway, I snorted a 12mg pill, and 6 2mg pills... I also swallowed 3 perocdan before I started crushing the pills...

I came out, and finished up work, we only had 10 minutes of clean up left... I jumped in the truck and we were on our way after getting paid...

we were going to pick his kids up from school/daycare, then we were heading home.. As soon as he picked his kids up, I started to get high... and then I started to get worried.. I didn't want him to notice..
I really liked his kids, and still do to this day, they were always really kind and very smart.

So I was talking to them, and I talked and talked and talked... and I'm sure my boss noticed something was up, but he didn't say anything. We stopped at where my boss was staying, and dropped off his kids, and the equipment. He had some stuff to do, so I played soccer with his kids, letting them win.

He ended up driving me home, and he paid me.. as it was a Friday.. I didn't think he noticed anything, but I later found out he knew..

Drugs as so scary, the best way to cure addiction, is to never try the stuff in the first place.. As any addict will tell you, there's no way you'll live a successful life while using drugs. Drugs are such a waste of time. Prevention is key, and I hope there's some high school kids reading my blog who have never touched a drug in their life. Because I guarantee you, one way or another your life will turn out similar to mine if you get an addiction.

Thanks for reading... if you need to reach me, my email is neilcalder1@gmail.com or leave a comment. Thanks!

-Neil