County Jail..

So it had worked.. I couldn't believe it.. I felt like I was so smart, and had fooled everyone..
Thinking back now.. what did I accomplish? Nothing.. It wasn't that smart.. and I was only doing bad things... If I had put even half of that energy into something positive, who knows where i'd be now..

He shut the door, and I went straight to the bathroom.. I spit it out into some toilet paper.. and put it in my pocket.. I needed some tools to do this with, or it'd be useless to me..

I found a pen, and a hard piece of cardboard easily enough... but I needed something to crush the beads with.. and they're hard. They're not going to give me a metal spoon in here, so I had to find something else..

In the mean time, it's my first night here.. and I'm meeting some of the other guys..
They're all in here from pretty petty stuff... Shoplifting, one guy opened a car door and took the change..

Violating probation orders.. that kind of thing.. I was surprised I got weekends for what I did... but I wasn't "That bad" In the courts eyes.. I also plead a great case about getting help, and I was working at the time.. So they wanted me to keep my job through the week.

I found a pop bottle cap, and shoved toilet paper in the end of it, so it wouldn't hurt when I pushed down on it..

I went into the bathroom, and looked for a place to crush it..

I couldn't do it on the back of the toilet like I used to.. These were cold, stainless steel toilets with a sink at the back of them... No ledge at all..

.. I looked around.. I wasn't going to do it on the floor.. so I looked at the shower..
It had a raised ledge about a foot high where you got out, and it was stainless steel.. it was also flat and level..

I took a spray bottle of cleaner that was in the bathroom.. and sprayed it down 5-6 times.. and cleaned it with soap and water..

Then I emptied the capsule onto it. and started crushing... It literally took me 15 minutes to crush a little over half of them.. I knew they would be doing a check soon.. so I had to snort it anyway... I did.. and came out... 2 guys were MAD I took so long, and went in to use the bathroom as soon as I was done..

I didn't care... I could feel it coming.. my stomach felt empty.. it was growling.. and I loved it... I needed it..
This was why I was hear, but I didn't care... Nothing would stop me..

I sat back and started watching TV... The guard came in, and I was nodding off... I woke up out of my daze long enough to act sober.. but once he left my head was bobbing again.. I was out of it..

That was pretty much it... twice a day, the same thing..

I ended up speeding up the crushing process, by pouring the beads into a piece of paper.. setting it on the floor, and crushing it with the pop cap and my foot.. that way I could grind it, and put more weight into it so I wouldn't take 30 minutes in the bathroom after each medication check..

The guys had an idea of what I was doing... They thought I was just snorting effexor though... They didn't know I had switched beads...

I remember one guy asked me for a line, I told him no.. and he was super offended... He couldn't understand why I wouldn't share such a pointless pill with him..

My first weekend there, I met the guy who snuck out for smokes in detox a while back... He said that I told the staff there about it, which I didn't... but when someone basically calls you a rat in jail, you can't stand for it.. unless you actually are... I called him out.. and challenged him to a fight... cursing and swearing, saying what I was going to do with him..

..He backed down, and some guys broke it up.. He was only there for a few more weekends.. but every time  I saw him.. I'd give him a dirty look..

I got along with everyone else there.. and with the drugs, the weekends went by pretty quick..
And when Monday morning rolled around, I would get picked up by one of my friends who also used... and we'd go score some pills, and I'd go shoot up..

That was the routine for quite a while..