"One is too many, and a thousand is never enough.. "

Too many...                                                                                                                                                                                              ... NEVER enough..


This phrase rings true to a lot of addicts...
One pill is too many...
But a thousand is never enough..
I had 3 more days until I had to report to jail... I was going to Amherst this day..But before I left, I had to buy 90 more xanax becuase I was already out, and my script wasn't due for another week and a half..  I went into the pharmacy the jail dealt with..  and got them to make up my medication cards with the "Refilled" pills...
They had them there, and I asked them if they'd send them over to the jail when they sent their own medication for the jail over..

She agreed... That way I knew I had enough for when I was there.. and I assumed I would have enough to get me through the week...

But I thought wrong... I injected and snorted them all with "Friends".. and friday came around... I had one left in the morning.. and did it as soon as I woke up...

I knew I wasn't going to get anymore until 9-10 the night...

So I made a little tobacco package, with matches in it..
I would also bring some chewing tobacco sometimes.. that way I could sit in my bed and not have to smoke, but still cure my nicotine craving..

Waiting at home for that night, was hell by the end of it..
I also took some morphine beads I ended up scoring, and put them in a package...

I don't care to explain how I got it in.. but I did..

On the drive up, I was sickkkk feeling.. my recent habit had gotten my tolerance sky high..
I almost thought about sneaking a needle in, but I didn't bother...

On our drive up there, I had to tell my mom to pull over at tim hortons... I had diarrhea so bad, and I was throwing up... the withdrawal was setting in...

I had some Xanax and I took 10 of them before I went in as well as a gravol and some roll-aids.. and stashed the rest in timhortons in a really good hiding spot so kids couldn't find it..

I came back out to the car and mom kissed me goodbye, and told me to try to have a good weekend...
She was scared for me..

They brought me in... after finishing my last smoke.. I had to strop down... they asked me if I was feeling ok, and I told them I felt sick..

They did it all, checked under my feet... bend over and cough.. embarrassing stuff..

They let me get dressed in the jail uniform and take my stuff upstairs... I was feeling really sick again...
I needed a fix soon, and I didn't know how long it would be..

I got up there, and picked out my bed... I un-packed all my stuff, and laid there for a bit... It was over an hour before I would get my medication cards...
And I couldn't wait that long... I needed to do the morphine beads..

I went into the bathroom, and got them from the hiding spot.. washed it off, and took out around 200mg's of beads... which is a hefty dose of morphine when you already have 5mg's of xanax in you to start..

It crushes easy, so I crushed it up, and snorted it... I laid back in my bed as soon as it was done... and pulled the covers up over me... to hide my Tylenol container that still had tobacco products papers, matches and some more morphine beads..

I hide it in my mattress...

I waited... I thought I was going to throw up... which would have wasted most of the drugs I just did..

I gagged under my blankets... trying to hold it in...

I did... and I finally felt the relief from my withdrawal symptoms..
I felt great again, I felt "Normal" Like you guys feel right now... I was so far into it I needed it to function... I couldn't even work without it..

I made my bed again, and started to feel wobbly... and weird... The combination was taking effect..
I knew I had to act normal in front of the guards, or they wouldn't give me my medication ...

So I sat and talked to a few of the guys... and I think we played cards or dice.. a few games people play in prison.. some for canteen, sometimes just for fun..

The coffee came, and we got it, then the medication came right after..

I went second last... I didn't want to seem too eager,and be first in line... I had a cup of water I took my pills, and slid the capsule under my tongue.. I drank the water and washed down the other pills with the entire cup full so he wouldn't ask me to see under my tongue.. Then I said thank you, so he could sort of see into my mouth...
I went back to my bed.. and went under the covers... I let it drop into some toilet paper I already had laid out..

I waited about 30 minutes, because they always watch the guys pretty closely on the camera after medication time... I went to the bathroom... but instead of taking it, I emptied it into a Tylenol container I brought in.. after wrapping it up in a corner of a plastic bag... I had enough for tonight... I just wanted to make sure the rest of the weekend was ok..

I passed out pretty quick that night... and woke up feeling sick... Before the medication was being passed out... I thought about taking some more morphine.. but I knew my dilaudids were coming soon..

an hour later, he came to the door.. and gave me my xanax and pre-filled Effexor capsule..
I drank my cup of water, and spit it out in toilet paper already waiting in my bed...

I knew I had to wait till after breakfast because it was coming soon... or Brunch as they called it... but I couldn't..

I took an entire capsule which was at least 24-30 mgs of dilaudid time release beads.. and the rest of my morphine beads... close to 200mgs or maybe a little more or less..

I snorted it, and turned on the shower.. I got in after rolling a smoke, and  lit it... the shower was steaming and I used body wash and everything else I could to cover up the smell of the smoke... It worked, because the other guys in the unit didn't even smell it... I was in my own little world right then... I was high... and I didn't care about anyone but myself..

I chucked a chew of tobacco in my mouth and took an empty can of pop I had and sat in bed... high, nodding off...
I was getting a head rush from it, for going so long with such little tobacco..
I was spitting in the can, and almost spilled it on me..

Brunch came... I saved a few things from it, ate one egg, one piece of toast.. and then gave the rest away..

Now this weekend went pretty smooth I suppose, same thing over and over... I gave one guy a smoke, and one guy a snort of D..

But my next blog will be about the week leading up to the weekend.. and what happend that weekend... it was BAD and embarrassing..


It'll be posted tomorrow... I have a few posts I'm working on, and at least another one of them will be posted.... They're not about my life... They're my thoughts on drugs in our area, and how easy they are to get... Just a rant I guess... Thanks for reading!

-Neil